I'm standing in line at the local Best Buy, a Quicksilver Currier Employee to the right of me, and a Jack Nicholson look a like to my left, both deriding about their future hopes, and past crushed dreams waiting for a product from one of the most coveted systems ever created! The Wii is this insane phenomenon that just begs for nuclear apocalypse, and I'll tell you why. Oh sure, this was the second Best Buy I was at this morning, and it was oh so inspiring, the crisp dewy morning atmosphere, listening to the uproarious thunder of a water pressured street cleaner, but I digress, these two gentlemen where there for the same reason I was, to play games. Ah, you could see it in their eyes, the sparkling glitter of a life now past of sitting on the floor in their pj's, with nothing better to do but eat excruciatingly expensive brand name cereal, watching shitty Sonic the Hedgehog episodes at 8 in the morning. Yes, it was a time of carefree days, of no concerns, but now that time for concern is at bay. I'm standing there, listening to these two fucktards jabber away at being 1st in line, last in line and eveyrthing in between about previous game releases, even some old guy who couldn't have been less than 70 regaled a time that civilized women would claw away at each other in the 40's when the department store sales would occur, which was the style at the time. But here is what I realized in that instant, a thought occurred, I looked to my right, then to my left, for which I soon questioned out loud..., "Am I the youngest guy here?" I do a quick divvy of the ages of those in line before me, while my age barometer is broken for those girls in high school to college, I can still tell the age of insufferable yuppy larva when I see one. I WAS THE YOUNGEST ONE THERE! Discounting my brother, a mear year an two months older than me, I was the youngest ray of light waiting for the coveted Wii fit. I mean, some people didn't even know what the HELL THEY WERE IN LINE FOR! "Excuse me, I'm new at this, what do we do?" FOR FUCK SAKES LADY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN LINE!?!?! QUIT WASTING MY TIME!!!!! She almost bought my answer of, "Ok, here is what you do, you let me go ahead of you, and I'll grab you one." After the assholish Best Buy blue meanie came out, and said under his breath, "blah minimum wage blah blah Wii Fit blah." and I'll complete his sentence, "I'm a freaking MORON!" he hands out pieces of paper with numbers on them for Wii Fit, almost in the same manner as the earlier Best Buy employees did, but less cordial, not even addressing the number of Wii Fits in stock, or who was there for one. This ass clown with a white man fro even bought one with said numbered paper, AND DIDN'T EVEN OWN A WII YET! Sure, some of them were there for Wii, and others for Mario Kart. HASN"T THIS STUFF ALREADY BEEN OUT FOR MONTHS?!?!? GET ON IT NINTENDO! But, to their credit, it dispelled the notion that the Wii is just a gimic for all intensive purposes, at least to this jaded Nintendo "Fan Boy". Still, Fan Boy is an outdated term at best, atleast for Nintendo, because I was the youngest guy there, a couple of kid stragglers aside, they could care less what line they were in before succuming to their sugar bowl enduced seizures, the new term should be fan yuppy, cause that's what I was beaten buy, some aging hipster who just bought the Wii Fit cause he got an numbered index card, and some dumb ass lady who was "new at this". INSANITY! I mean, youngest guy in a Nintendo line? This is pandemonium! Dogs and Cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA! I mean, I can't live the button-down life like yous, I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend some of the blue noses with their cocky stride, and musky odors, OH!, I'll never be the darling of the, so called, "City Fathers", who cluck tounges, strokes their beards, and talk about, "What's to be done with this Alex Dominguez!?" Because, in America, first you get the Wii Fit, then you get the power, then you get the women.
p.s. Best Buy can suck my cock.
